Interview With A Vampire

Doug MacIlroy


Thanks, Doug, for this nice pic.  Therefore, this story is dedicated to YOU because it’s your FAVORITE subject.

I ran across an old gentleman living in New York City, impoverished, looking like he should have seen better times.  What was surprising was his history.  Here’s a brief excerpt.


It’s not true you drank blood?

Of course it’s true. Had to cut down.  Doctor’s orders.

You have a doctor?

Not anymore.  My doctor’s dead.  AB negative.

What was your part in contributing to Bram Stoker’s novel?

I never saw one thin dime of royalties from him.

No compensation?

He gave me a bottle of wine with a note saying, “Thank-you.”  I told him we Draculas aren’t drinkers of wine … and he puts THAT in the book, too.  Goniff!  Before I forget, I  changed my name. It’s really Drek-ula.

Got any children?

They never write, they never call …


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38 Responses to Interview With A Vampire

  1. Sandra says:

    🙂 I hope for everybody’s sake that he’s cut back to just a couple of units a day. And I can see why the kids don’t mess with him. 🙂

  2. ahtdoucette says:

    LOL. Bram Stoker stiffed the stiff. I knew it!

  3. Ha.. love the doctor.. wonder what his favorite blood-group might be.. 🙂

  4. Dead right about the children! I wonder just how old the old man is!

  5. They never write, they never call … And they run like the wind when they see me!
    Very fun take on a very weird prompt.

  6. storydivamg says:

    Dear Kent,
    Funny stuff. This is one of your better Friday Fictioneers entries, IMHO. The dialogue moves along nicely, and the story has just enough unexpected twists to hold the reader’s attention. As a teller of the occasional vampiric tale myself, I am delighted that you dedicated this to Doug, who probably has good reason for eschewing the genre but deserves some ribbing for it every now and then. 😉

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  7. Poor Drek. Everything turns to dreck for Drek. It’s because as ve all know – being a vampire sucks. Ha. Sucks. Harumf. Never you mind.
    Nowadays, it doesn’t even pay to give blood, much less suck it.
    But as far as royalties go, listen – who needs royalties when you are a Prince like you are. A prince of darkness.

    Now I say to say goodbye. first light is coming and it’s driving me batty. randy

  8. I love this. Told with such straight-facedness (if that’s a word).

  9. Dear Kent,

    I always knew Drek-ula was a blood sucker. You know he later went on to become a lawyer of the night. Royalties Shmoyalties.

    Funny stuff.

    Chappy Chanukah (tres candelikas)

    Cuzzin Shellie

  10. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Kent,

    Now this is how to write a believable Vampire story. Droll, matter of fact, funny yet deadpan. I love this to pieces. One of your best ever and one I will not soon forget. It’s not an easy thing to get me to finish reading one of these. Well done. Last line was the capper to nothing but good lines throughout.



  11. Margaret says:

    That’s a brave interviewer. Drek-ula says he’s cut down, not retired. I hope he got out of there intact. A funny variation on the vampire theme.

  12. Amy Reese says:

    I love it! Great story. That’s a funny bit about the wine going in the story. That writer is ruthless and unafraid.

  13. Nan Falkner says:

    Such a cute story Kent! You are so clever and bright! Brilliant and funny too! Thanks, Nan 🙂

  14. Dee says:

    Very cleverly done Kent and very funny, the last line had me laughing out loud.


  15. I like the wry, cleverly funny voice here, Kent. Wonderful response to this icky great prompt!

  16. wmqcolby says:

    Thanks, Dawn! Like I said to Dee, it’s a classic line.

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