Hitting On The Hotties At The A&P and A Scar Is Born

Today, you get two, yes, TWO stories for the price of one.

This first one originally appeared on October 19th, 2013
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SIngles Night at the A&P.  Bill and I rushed to get there.  Brad came with us.  One look at Brad and you’d see his last name wouldn’t be Pitt.  But, like us, he was desperate for the love of a good woman.

“An inspiration, guys.  See the babe in the bread aisle?”  We did … va-va-voom!  “Observe.”  Brad disappeared around the corner.  Seconds later, the silence erupted with the crash of two shopping carts, Brad’s and hers.

I turned to Bill.  “You think he’s onto something?”

“If not, I’ll buy the ice pack, you buy the smelling salts.”

+++++++++

This second one appeared on November 12, 2014

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Rochelle and I stood before the cheering crowd and paparazzi, cheesing it up for the cameras. Two more names, yes, Kansas City natives, would be added to the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Rochelle grinned, I leapt like a school girl.
“Who knew we’d actually be here someday? I’m dreaming!
“And look! We’re next to Mike Nichols and Elaine May. Awesome!”
“What say you, writing partner?”
“I’d say our ship has arrived.”
Rochelle was right. As they presented the star to Jason Sudeikis and Rob Riggle, Rochelle and I hopped back on to the TMZ Tour Bus.

+++++++++++++

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever.”

Forever certainly didn’t have a good shelf-life, did it?

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44 Responses to Hitting On The Hotties At The A&P and A Scar Is Born

  1. Dear Cuzzin Notnek,

    Those boys need to find the “Buy a Life” aisle. Thanks for taking us on the wild ride at the A&P.

    Ah, the walk of fame. Fun story. As for the selfie, I look better in that picture than I did yesterday afternoon. 😉

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. gahlearner says:

    Fun story and picture. The ‘hitting’ guys seem pretty hopeless.

    • wmqcolby says:

      Thanks, Gabriele. Well, Brad, anyway. The A&P grocers in America are mostly on the east coast, but I remember when they were in Kansas. Of all the stories I have written so far, this one got the strongest laugh response from people. I’m wondering how it will go now.

  3. MrBinks says:

    Great fun!

  4. Sandra says:

    I love your picture, and I knew it was you when I saw you on Rochelle’s page. Only she could persuade you to pull that face, though I have to say there was a certain ‘Lucille Ball’ about that face she’s pulling. Loved your story about singles night at the supermarket. A guy once hit on me at the supermarket, with the opening chat line, “now I just know you’re single.” I asked him how he made that out, and he said it was the small sliced loaf, the individual yoghourts but most of all the tinned cat food. Huh?

    • wmqcolby says:

      Oh, if you only could see us in person — we’re insufferable together! She came up to me and, without any explanation, said, “Here! Make a funny face.” So I did, although I’d like a retake — I can do a better one than that. Then, she said, “That’s going up on the site.” I thought, COOL! I asked if that was another photo prompt. “Oh, no! I wouldn’t subject ANYONE to this!” Hahahaha! Rochelle can “Lucy it up” very well. 😀

      So you got hit on at the supermarket, huh? Well, I’d say the man had taste. 😉

      But, why were you buying “single people” stuff? Yeah, I’d say what you bought would be considered for singles — small loaf and individual yogurts would last a week or so. And, of course, every single lady of class has a cat for companionship, therefore, the cat food.

      You just went to get a few things you needed as opposed to doing a major shopping run?

    • Dipping in just for grins. Sandra, I’ve been accused of having a ‘silly putty’ face. I’ll admit to Lucille Ball being my influence for this one. My mom used to laugh so hard when I’d make that face. As Kent says, we are insufferable together. It’s like there’s a com-link between us. Life’s too short to take one’s self too seriously.

  5. rgayer55 says:

    I always thought the laundromat was a good place too, especially here in a college town.

    I love your Walk-of-Fame story. You find one about my adventures in LA when “Saving Hollywood” comes out in my next book. Connie and I were flown there last year to make a commercial for AARP/The Hartford auto insurance. We spent two extra days as tourists. It was a hoot.

  6. wmqcolby says:

    Really? That must have been a hoot, all right. WAY cool, man! I hope to see it soon.

  7. Suspense man! You can’t leave us like that!

  8. Lynn Love says:

    Love it Kent. As good a way as any to meet women, though I do think it’s a good thing he has his wing men on hand – you never know how a girl’s going to react if you crack her eggs and dent her tinned goods!
    Nicely done 🙂

  9. wmqcolby says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m leaving that one alone.

    As for them being “wingmen,” I have a feeling they disappeared down the yogurt aisle. The action’s pretty good there, I hear.

  10. plaridel says:

    both are hilarious. thanks for sharing. 🙂

  11. k rawson says:

    Marvelous title and funny story. Such are the hazards of finding love. A bag of frozen peas works too 😉

  12. A 75-year old geriatric did that to me in our local little grocery store – the only one for miles and miles! Now I know why! I thought he was just being senile! My single cup yoghurt and tinned goods were unscathed so I didn’t have to take him out with my handbag. I just growled and he slinked off! Thanks for letting me know I’ve been hit on. A compliment of sorts I suppose. Why me though? I’m known as the grumpiest woman in this town!

  13. Haha..love them both! And the pic!

  14. Alice Audrey says:

    Sometimes a thing of beauty is the first thing to hit the wall.

    Nice re-runs. Thanks. 🙂

  15. Who would have thought there could be a date night at the A&P? May I never have to resort to that? Thanks for yet another smile.

  16. draliman says:

    I love the “One look at Brad…” sentence! I guess he’s using the tried and tested “trolley bump” pick-up. I’m thinking of his friends as the long-suffering clean-up crew 🙂

  17. Margaret says:

    Two very funny stories. I’m particularly taken by the supermarket singles night – just imagine! Maybe they’d have the confectionary and flower aisles set up with cosy corners to add atmosphere, and the liquor section would be perfect for a spot of speed dating.

  18. wmqcolby says:

    Oh, wouldn’t that be nice? Neat idea, Margaret. In fact, it sounds worthwhile to try. Especially the liquor section. 😀

  19. Both stories were great, Kent. My favorite though was the grocery store calamity. I read about men using cart collisions to meet women. Seems it really was done. Hilarious. I love the picture for the Thoreau quote. 😀 — Suzanne

    • wmqcolby says:

      Thanks, Suzanne. I hope this story wasn’t what inspired them to do so! In fact, I think it came from an episode of the Odd Couple or Happy Days, one of those Garry Marshall shows.

  20. subroto says:

    I once read a newspaper article about a direct correlation between picking up in the supermarket and the contents of your trolley/basket. Apparently banana placement is an art by itself..

    • wmqcolby says:

      Hey, Sub! Good seeing ya! Yeah, the things in the cart are what can be strong indicators. As for the bananas …. I’m gonna leave that one alone before Ruseell sees it and chimes in. 😀

  21. Both hillarious stories, you made me laught at this late hour. Thank you, sir!

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