Boy, Did We Get A Wrong Number!

Well, I’m back and as you see I have been away for awhile.  Rochelle, her husband, Jan, and I were at the Ozark Writer’s League conference in Branson, MO.  Rochelle won a prize for her art, and I won a door prize OF art — a little clay-made owl by Ronda Del Boccio. Rochelle and I did a radio play from the Baby Snooks Show of 1948 that starred Funny Lady Fanny Brice.  Rochelle was Snooks, I played the part radio actor Hanley Stafford played — Snooks’ dad (with his perpetual headache of a daughter).  We had a great time! See the video on YouTube and you’ll see what we look and talk like!

OK, the story.  This is a true story and it fit the photo because, well … you just can’t make up this stuff!

Photo by Georgia Koch.

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The police report came through to the news assignment desk at WMXT.

“Mike Bradley, 38, found dead in Lake Quivira due to boating accident.”

The news sent producer Amy and associate producer Angie, into a stunned silence.  Mike Bradley was their Assignment Editor!  And he had a boat at Lake Quivira!

“Angie, you don’t suppose …”

“Lemme get this. I’ll call the house. ”

Angie dialed the phone.  Mike Bradley’s voice answered.  “This is Mike.”

Angie sighed.  “Oh, Mike!  I’m SO happy to hear your voice!”

Mike chuckled, “I’m so happy that you thought of me as still being 38 years old!”

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Ok, So It Didn’t Go As Thought

I guess the Live Airing in the Ozarks was a bust.  But, we had a great time at Ozark Writers League Conference in Branson.  Russell, you should have been there.

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Airing Live From The Ozarks!

Folks, Rochelle and I will be going live on Facebook tonight for all you FF Gang members in the Americas.  Check in on her Facebook page, send your comments as you would any other posting and we’ll respond to them LIVE!  Also, if you miss, Facebook will post it as a video, so you can watch it.

This is just an experiment — we hope to do more soon.

Also, there will be a SPECIAL LIVE AIRING for those of you on the other side of the globe.  We will promote that later on, we have to see if THIS airing will work first.

ADDENDUM:

To all of you who decided to come see what I wrote without me posting on the Inlinkz page, there is no story from me this week.

Also a sincere apology to those who were SO kind to comment on last week’s story and I didn’t respond nor read any of yours in return.  You know how much I love you all and enjoy your contributions.  I have had family come in … Uncle Oscar’s daughters, Gini and Pat!  So, I was pretty occupied.  In fact, they loved your comments on his stories (which they have heard thousands of times) and thank all of you for being so nice about his “exploits” in the realm of life.

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The Peace Summit

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I imagined from the photo, two people meeting from both sides.  Each has a legacy handed to them from opposite sides of a great war.  It is Christmas Eve and they meet in a church as a soloist sings.

So, who exactly are these people?  It doesn’t matter.  What matters is leaving the past as past and moving forward into the future — a lesson we all could use, huh?

Adam Ickes brought us this cool pic.  Thanks, Adam.

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The woman smiled.  “How do you do?”

The man bowed.  “Nice to meet you.”

They sat down in the pew.

“Surely He taught us to love one another …”

Her thoughts burned.  Blue-eyed devil!  Your race imprisoned us.  My family suffered for it!

His mind raced. Rodents!  Your people used my uncle as a human shield!

“Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother …”

On hearing this, he re-thought.  She wasn’t responsible.

She realized it, too.  We weren’t even born yet.

Together they wept, holding the other’s hand, hearing —-

“ … and in His name, all oppression shall cease.”

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If At First You Don’t Succeed … You’re About Average

 

Due to the many wonderful responses from you on my postings about my late uncle, Oscar Moss, the printer,  I present to you (drum roll) …

Another Oscar Moss story!  And, yes, it actually happened.  I had a previous effort from this particular prompt, but it was lame.  And a late-night gabfest from my cousin, Pat (Patricia) prompted this because the photo is of a shop and Oscar and had a print shop, therefore …

Rochelle is the FF Head.

Ted Strutz is the pic-man.

 

 

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“I leave messages for myself at home.  Here.”

He dialed his home number and put the phone to my ear.  I heard his voice.  “Hello, this is Oscar Moss.  Please leave a message.” (BEEEEEEEP)

Then, I heard his voice again.  “Uh, hello, Oscar Moss, this is Oscar Moss … keep up the good work!”

I laughed.  “That is hilarious!  And it keeps the ideas coming?”

Oscar presented to me the header for his new memo pad.  “Whattaya think, kiddo?”

It read:  “Moss —- Built On Fifty Years Of Mistakes!  Moss has now made ALL of the mistakes.  HE IS NOW AN EXPERT!”

 

 

 

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My uncle Oscar Moss … “meshuganah” to the core.

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Hitting On The Hotties At The A&P and A Scar Is Born

Today, you get two, yes, TWO stories for the price of one.

This first one originally appeared on October 19th, 2013
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SIngles Night at the A&P.  Bill and I rushed to get there.  Brad came with us.  One look at Brad and you’d see his last name wouldn’t be Pitt.  But, like us, he was desperate for the love of a good woman.

“An inspiration, guys.  See the babe in the bread aisle?”  We did … va-va-voom!  “Observe.”  Brad disappeared around the corner.  Seconds later, the silence erupted with the crash of two shopping carts, Brad’s and hers.

I turned to Bill.  “You think he’s onto something?”

“If not, I’ll buy the ice pack, you buy the smelling salts.”

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This second one appeared on November 12, 2014

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Rochelle and I stood before the cheering crowd and paparazzi, cheesing it up for the cameras. Two more names, yes, Kansas City natives, would be added to the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Rochelle grinned, I leapt like a school girl.
“Who knew we’d actually be here someday? I’m dreaming!
“And look! We’re next to Mike Nichols and Elaine May. Awesome!”
“What say you, writing partner?”
“I’d say our ship has arrived.”
Rochelle was right. As they presented the star to Jason Sudeikis and Rob Riggle, Rochelle and I hopped back on to the TMZ Tour Bus.

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“A thing of beauty is a joy forever.”

Forever certainly didn’t have a good shelf-life, did it?

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Voyage To See What’s On The Bottom

Why do I think Russell Gayer is manipulating my writing this week?  OK, I’ll dedicate it to him, then, since it is up his alley in warped humor.

Captain Rochelle welcomes you aboard the Good Ship FF Central.

CPO Jan Wayne Fields took the shot.

So … let’s ALL have a shot!

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Bill said, “We’re gonna play this one episode. See how many of us can stay standing watching it.”

This I gotta see.

Shot glasses in hands, Charlie with the Scotch bottle, the episode began.

The Captain gave the order to the Exec.  “All ahead two-thirds.”  The guys downed a shot.  Glasses quickly refilled.  They watched again.

“Rig for silent running.”

(two gulps)

“Someone hit me from behind.”

(three gulps)

“Guys!  Eight windows on the Seaview!”

(seven gulps)

Bill won.  He raised his glass.  “Tune in next time when Admiral Nelson says, ‘Lee, you  SUCK as a Sub Captain.’ “

(thud)

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This show over the four years it was on the air, had a lot of lines and situations reused, so, it makes an excellent drinking game!  No, I never played it, I found it out on line.

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