For those of you new to my blog, this is a re-run, but a re-written re-run (“toy boat, toy boat …”) that I wrote early on.
It is a retelling of an actual experience of my friend who, with his brother and their friend, like to go to Bartlesville, OK each year, to just hang around. As he told me the story, I really got caught up in the euphoria of it all until he changed gears and I was on the floor with laughter. So, here it is, a true story distilled down to 100 words.
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the Queen of FF. “I have spoken, all depart.”
Ted Strutz has provided this picture. I’m sure he was thinking everyone would take the high road on it (nope!).
Closed for winter, we saw nothing had changed as we visited the old summer camp grounds. Memories of friends we’d made, the fun — we saw our names scratched in a building wall still there after thirty years! I was young again!
I turned to my brother. “Larry … man, I gotta take a DUMP!”
James stood guard outside as we did our thing.
The toilets didn’t flush!
My paranoia kicked in. “Larry! What do we do?”
“Well … just wipe good and let’s get the hell out!”
Speeding away from the camp, I imagined tomorrow’s local newspaper headlines —
Phantom Crapper Invades Campground
wmqcolby 
too bad. you’re on camera. 🙂
“What Larry and his brother didn’t know, is that we switched the regular toilet paper for new Charmin. Now, let’s lower the video screen …” Just a matter of time.
Dear Cuz,
Some things never get old, do they? Nice rework. Happy you’re here.
Shalom,
Cuzzin Shelly
Thanks. It was good to get a re-write done, too.
Reminds me of that scene from Dumb & Dumber. You and Larry would have made good in the roles of Harry and Lloyd.
Larry, my friend’s brother (I used the real names), does look a little like Jim Carrey’s character with the hair. Not like Ish Kabibble or anything, but enough.
Now, you want something even BETTER, check out Van Wilder.
Poo-poo ca-ca just doesn’t get old does it… for guys at least!
You got that right, Dale. Why guys are like that, I don’t know. I’m sure some highfalutin’ shrink can explain it. However, when it comes to stories like this, I’m not (necessarily) one of the Bad Boys of FF (that title belongs to Perry and Russell), but, well … inspiration hits in the unlikeliest of places, doesn’t it? Thanks for reading. 🙂
Ha ha ha!!!
It’s simple. Guys are poo-poo heads. :p
It really WAS his radio. 😛
It was a great song. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
😀
It seems there’s no end to the scope of “bodily function” stories you guys can come up with. It must be something to do with early potty training, I guess. 🙂
I was the worst to potty train. Ask my mom. Of course, as you know, I’m capable of other stories of a “classier” nature … just not this time! 😀 Thanks, Sandra! 🙂
A fun story indeed.Worth the re-tell.
Thanks, Alicia. I was glad you read it for the first time. It was written back in, I think, 2013. Part of my wanting to re-post it was to re-write it and better. Seems to have come off fine. Thanks for reading! 🙂
Hey,,,when you gotta go..you gotta go!
Funny thing, though, was that’s what his brother actually said! Just too funny.
The Phantom Crapper? Who knows what evil lies in the minds of men? And in their pants too. I can’t wait to see what his costume looks like. Probably brown with a toilet paper cape? Didn’t see the original story, but this one was fun.
Ooohhh, Perry! Now I can’t “unsee” this one. The story bears much resemblance to the original, I just re-wrote the beginning.
This made me gr(oa)in. Fun story, well told. The phantom crapper has such a sinister ring to it. 😀
That was my friend’s name for it … only cleaned it up. After all, I DO have my limits. 😀 Thanks for stopping by!
Fun, poo-poo story, Kent! Thank you! Aw, the memories of summer camp. I actually never went, but those out-houses, those I’ve been in. This weekend, as a matter of fact. It was still stinky as ever.
You know, Amy, when I went to stay with a family in Honduras, they had an outhouse, too. Not the worst thing in the world, but I figured if it was good enough for them, it was good enough for me. Their little girl (ornery) locked me in once! Hahaha! When I phoned home, I told Mom and Dad about the “conditions” I was living in and they said, “GOOD! That’s great!” They grew up in those “conditions” themselves back in the Depression. What were you doing this weekend to have to be using an outhouse, anyway?
I was at a campgrounds is all. Not in the Honduras, that’s for sure. You lead such an exotic existence, Kent. I’m sure there are worse things, but I’m thankful for modern day plumbing.
Funny — exotic existence. You haven’t lived until you get invited to a quinceñera reception out in the badlands of Mexico, stomach virus and have to eat everything on your plate according to protocol — and porta-johns you can’t use b/c they’re filled almost to the ceiling with used T.P. Yes, that actually happened to me. 😡
Wow! I bet you have some stories to tell, Kent.
I’m actually trying to wipe them from my memory! 😀
Ah, gotcha!
Oh dear.
None of it was made up, either. All the dialogue real. Desperation makes people do strange things.
Very amusing indeed! I am glad you reposted/ worked it as I had not read this before.
Thanks for stopping by, Chekii. It was fun to do.
but 30 years ago, DNA testing for forensic purposes was not in common use. You are done!
Hahahahahahaha! I’d hate to study for THAT test! 😀
I can totally believe that’s a real story, Kent. They’re the funniest ones, lots better than the made-up ones. Hilarious. 😀 — Suzanne
Thanks, Suzanne. There are all kinds of funny stories out there and that certainly had me in stitches. 😀
Terrific headline! I wonder if it was on soft absorbent paper.
More likely that cheap high-grade sandpaper …